Celebrating A Year on Substack

and honoring my Dad on his birthday

I have been writing on Substack for a year. Thank you to each of you who has read, liked and shared my posts and notes. Thank you for sharing your struggles and victories too! I enjoy belonging here and the support and encouragement you offer. The past year has had several significant events.

• Being diagnosed with Autism.

• Moving out of an unhealthy living situation

• Creating strong boundaries with unhealthy family members.

• My car reaching 100,000 miles last week!

My Dad’s birthday is here again. He would have been 91 today if he was still alive. My grief about the loss of my Dad is what brought me to Substack. 15 years ago, my Dad killed himself. It is a wound that never seems to heal. As I learn more about Autism, I wonder if he was Autistic too. In this past year, my understanding of what he experienced being married to my mom has significantly increased. Earlier this year, I realized that he never talked to me about the way my mom forced me to break up with my college sweetheart. I believe he was afraid to discuss this with me because he was afraid of my mom. He never knew how to make her happy, which always gave her the upper hand. Admitting how his wife treated him to someone else was probably unimaginable. Only a wimp would be afraid of his wife in our society. My dad was not a wimp. He was a man who cared about his family and did his best to earn a living. His wife did her best to prevent any relationship from forming between their children and his side of the family. Yet, he rarely ranted about his wife - he showed her undeserved respect.

2024 Letter to my dad

Part of the trauma of his passing was I was the one who the police called (per his instructions) to share the news of his passing. Once, the police identified themselves I was pretty sure I knew what had happened. I was the one who had to contact my siblings and ask them to agree to his body being cremated and made the majority of the funeral arrangements. Also, I insisted that we had to find out who the executor of his will was before returning home. I resent that none of my siblings have ever acknowledged the enormity of these tasks. This isn’t surprising but it is helpful to state my anger.

I intended to write more but I am more interested in posting today. I want to encourage everyone to share the ugly parts of their life. When we share things aren’t quite as ugly.

I am looking forward to sharing more in my second year on Substack.