Sisters

Is mutual care and concern a realistic expectation?

I have 3 younger sisters. Sister 1 is 6 years younger than me. Sister 2 is 7 years younger than me, and Sister 3 is 9 years younger than me. Also, I have a brother who is 2 years older than me.

When I moved out of my mom’s house, I said nothing to my siblings. Frankly, the thought didn’t even occur to me - all of my energy was focused of the enormous task of moving. I don’t know what my mom said to my siblings other than me leaving wasn’t amicable. This description leaves a lot of room for interpretation, and I realize whatever my mom says about me is “Gospel truth” to my sisters. Six months have gone by since I moved, and no one has asked me why I moved or for my version of the story.

My move was very carefully planned for a weekend my mom was out of town on purpose. I knew she was not going to react positively and I did not want to subject myself to her drama. I called her the day before I moved to let her know I was moving. In an attempt to start an argument, she asked me why I was moving and I said because I want to. She asked me again and I said the same thing. She came home while the movers were moving me out and had plenty to say. The most memorable comment was, “Don’t hurry back.” Hearing the ugliness in her tone of voice motivated me to add more items to my car. I left as quickly as possible. I planned the move in consideration of MY NEEDS! This represents a shift in how I operate. I am celebrating this change to this day! 🎊

Sister 1 and Sister 3 have not attempted to contact me and find out why I moved out. Sister 2 did text me and acknowledge my move. Although I appreciated her text, she has disrespected me too many times and has taken no responsibility for any of her actions, such as flirting with my boyfriend. I did acknowledge her text but am not motivated to talk to her. Three months later, on my birthday, Sister 1 did call me. She alluded to a comment my mom made regarding my birthday. Hearing from her and my nephew was a great birthday present. In August I met, Sister 1 and her son. I was very glad to see them, but we never talked about me moving out. The lack of concern for me is very upsetting. I feel foolish for not seeing their indifference sooner. I have assisted them during difficult periods in their lives and am angry they have no inclination to offer any support.

I was looking forward to seeing Sister 1 and my nephew last weekend. Sister 1 told me she had a change in plans and needed to cancel. I didn’t think too much about it until I saw photos on Facebook of Sister 1, Sister 3 and my nephew on Facebook. I was disappointed but don’t want to be included out of a sense of obligation.

I feel like I mean nothing to them and realize they are unlikely to understand the amount of responsibility I felt for them. Sister 1 sees my brother (who lives significantly further away) on his birthday but never comes for my birthday. When my brother was hospitalized, she went to help him, when I was hospitalized, she called. I know relationships between siblings are going to be different, but this seems extreme to me.

I am grateful that I am not crushed by their lack of concern for me, but it does hurt. It is difficult to realize I have been the family scapegoat and did not realize it. Now that I know where I stand with them, I will act accordingly.

There is some healing as I share this with the world. I pray this post reaches someone in a similar situation and they see what is going on before half their life is over. I am angry that I gave so much to my mom and siblings and there is no appreciation or even acknowledgement of the gifts given.